HAPPY NEW YEAR

31/12/2009

Today is the last day of this year. A new year will begin tomorrow. This is stating the obvious. Or is it?

Year as you know is defined as the time taken by the earth to go round the sun once. So who fixes the starting point? In fact it could be at any point on the elliptical course. Different societies have tried to mark it with some important events in their history or with some recurring astronomical events like equinox.

In fact 1^st of January does not mark any such event celestial or otherwise. 1^st of January it self has been moved to different days a few times. The beginning of the year was brought forward by 82 days in England and its colonies in year 1752, Scots did this half a century earlier. There was a good suggestion in 1840 by Auguste Comte to make a year 364 days long then give a universal day off and then start the year from next day. In this way at least the New Year will start on the same day every year and with a bit of adjustment it could start always on a Sunday. Though it was more rational, it was not adopted.

Anyway my point is that if 1^st of January does not have a birth right to be the beginning of the year then why there is such a mass hysteria around it? It is just an event for the government and institutions to calculate their profits and losses.

I think everyone should have their own starting points and what is better than to start at the beginning. Yes, your birthday should be the starting point. You will be a year older at the end of a year, not half or three quarters of a year older as it happens at present. It will be your year and yours only.
And if you turn out to be a great dictator who rules over most of the influential world it may be adopted by everyone else!
Happy new year to you all.

WHY SHOULD YOU NEED A LAWYER?

18 December 2009


I have not posted any blog for 4 weeks as I was in India visiting relatives and friends along with a bit of sight seeing.


On my flight back from Mumbai I read “the associate” written by John Grisham. It gave a glimpse of inner workings of a big law firm. Of course it is a work of fiction and the writer has taken the usual liberties to suit the plot. But I really wonder, as a society why we need a private lawyer. I do understand that a civilised society needs to lay down some rules i.e. laws to function properly. There is a need for law makers, law enforcers and judges who can adjudicate in case of disputes. Law schools can produce this entire workforce.


If someone does wrong or perceived to have done wrong, the case goes before a judge. He/she should decide one way or the other taking all the evidence and legal angles into consideration. Where is the need for a lawyer? Now a day you need a lawyer to argue your case and point out the holes in the opposition’s case. This should be done by the judge or judges without any intermediary (the lawyers). Certainly you will need many more judges to do this and this is where the lawyers should be employed. The independence of judges and judiciary is paramount for this to be successful. But is not this what we should strive for as a society rather than spend a lot of money and effort on private lawyers who make the delivery of justice so expensive and slow?


I will give you an analogy. A patient takes a private doctor to see the specialist surgeon in the hospital? The private doctor will present patient’s case to the specialist and argue about different treatments for a few months before the surgeon makes the diagnosis and provides the treatment. This will make good business for doctors and make the health care really expensive and slow. A patient who can hire a good advocate doctor will get better treatment. And a good advocate doctor will earn more than the specialist surgeon. Nothing in health care will be done without employing a lot of advocate doctors. I am sure no one will like to have such a health system. Then why do we have similar legal system.


I must make it clear that my rants are against the legal system not against the lawyers. I am sure my brother in law who is a lawyer, understands this and the peace in my family continues.


Glance through this really amusing poem “one million lawyers by Tom Paxton” http://www.julianhermida.com/algoma/law1classactivities.htm

SELECTIVE CENSORSHIP

16/11/09


A new videogame “call of duty modern warfare 2” was released a few days ago and the sales have already broken previous records. It has been rated 18 on grounds of explicit violence. As it has been customary in the past, its release led to fervent discussions in media about the effects of such games on society. There is now an ongoing verbal warfare between persons who want to sensor it and the people who do not. The main reason sited by the former is that the game is very offensive and could incite violent behaviour particularly in children. The game lobby answered that as it was rated 18 that objection does not apply.


I do not understand how something which is offensively violent for some one who is 17 yrs old becomes nice and pleasure providing to another who is 18 or older. As we all know policing such age restrictions is not only difficult but impossible.


But even if it was easy to do I still find it unacceptable on a basic principle. The gamer lobby does accept that the game is extremely violent and has got some elements (playing a role of terrorist) which society in general feels very uneasy with. And I am sure even the most avid gamers will not knowingly let their children play this game. This is not just out of respect to the law but also due to an instinctive feeling to safeguard their children.


The question is safeguarding against what? The game is not going to harm the child physically as by choking, burning, drowning etc. The harm as everyone perceives is more subtle, probably at psychological or moral level. I personally feel that if some thing is morally or psychologically harmful to people less than 18 yrs old, it can not be categorically said that it will not be the same for the rest.


The situation is similar to what it used to be in past. Many a books and objects of art were banned on the grounds that they were unsuitable for women and servants.


I am not for or against censorship but certainly I am against such selfish selective banning where we fudge the issue by giving an 18 or adult ratings. Either it should be banned for every one or none.


I accept my logic is flawed but that’s how I feel. And who is flawless?

WHY I FEEL HAPPY IN AUTUMN

8/11/09

Yesterday I went to Dunham Massey. It is a grand stately hall with a big garden with lots of trees. As you know it is autumn in U.K. The woodland has turned very beautiful with radiant yellow, golden and red coloured leaves intermingled with some green leaves of course. The grass below is covered with falling leaves of various colours, painting an abstract design on the green canvas. The sun was timidly looking through the high white clouds. It was not windy and it was not raining. I felt very happy being there. Soon all the leaves would fall leaving skeletonised trees. In a few weeks winter would prevail turning the trees into ghosts against a dark sky. In autumn I feel happier than in summer even.

Happiness is very difficult to define. I equate happiness with contentment in present. And if one is thinking or planning to have more in future then by definition he is not content with present and hence not happy in present. By corollary it seems if one is going to have less in future, he will be more happy in present being all other parameters equal.


It may be this paradigm, why I find my self so happy in autumn.

A QUESTION OF TRUST

01/11/2009
Recently we had some building and plumbing work done. We took quotes from three firms. All three builders were nice people. They explained to me in detail what the work entailed and how they will do it. All reassured me that if there is any problem later, they will come and fix it. All it will need is a phone call.

The problem we faced was how to select one from the three builders. Which one is trustworthy? When we trust a machine, all we expect that the machine will do what is expected of it. Machines do not have their own interests to look after. When we trust a person we expect much more, not just the ability to perform the task but also integrity and honesty.
The builder has to make as much money from you as he can and you wish to have the work done in as less money as possible. How can you trust the advice of a person whose interest conflicts with yours? It will only be possible if you can ascertain not only the ability but also integrity and honesty or benevolence of the person.
One of the builders was Peter. He had done some work for a friend of mine. I rang my friend and he said that overall he was happy with the standard of the work done by the builder. As we knew nothing about the other two, we decided to get the work done by Peter even though the "overall" in my friend's recommendation was a bit worrying.
Now I am happy all the work is finished and yes, overall I am happy with his work.
To my expense (not a great one though) now I know what "overall" means.
See you next week.

CHOICE INDUCED INERTIA

WEEK EIGHT: RETIREMENT

26/10/2009

The builders finished the renovation of the bathrooms last week. We now have new shining bathrooms. They look great and the showers are very pleasant. These are so called rain simulating showers. There is not much force but a large surface area of the shower-head delivers quite a lot of water. I was very sceptical initially and was more inclined to have same type of traditional shower which I had before. I was happy with them so why change to a different type? This dilemma was not only with the showers but also with sink, taps, tiles, lighting, mirrors, radiators: in short with everything. There are vast arrays of choices: shape, size, material, colour, price and the technical details like flow, pressure and eco-sensitivity. So much choice makes it more difficult to choose. Availability of more options should make life easier but in reality they make it extremely difficult. This was one of the reasons why I would have chosen the same type of things which I had before. This is what I call choice induced inertia. Or is it something more inherent. When choosing something new there is on average fifty percent chance that it may be better or worse. But generally the mind focuses more on the loss than the gains. You remember traffic lights being red more often than being green. This risk aversion, some psychologists think is hard wired in our psyche. In built preference of status quo is another strong argument to explain different choices we make in life.

It is almost like Newton's first law of motion "Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it." We do not wish to change unless there is a benefit strong enough to overcome our constitutional inertia. And nowadays there is so much choice that it is difficult to see any clear benefit in one over the other and in absence of any perceived clear benefit brain chooses status quo. This by the way also explains why we are paying so much money for our broadband or the mobile, or the gas or .......

SELF-SERVING BIAS

18/10/09

WEEK EIGHT: RETIREMENT

Yesterday was Diwali, a Hindu festival celebrated with lights. As with all Hindu festivals there are a number of legends are related to Diwali commonest being the homecoming of Lord Rama after victory over the demon Rawana. It is celebrated on the darkest day of lunar month Amawasya.

We had a lot of fun with fireworks and the feast that followed with traditional vegetarian cuisine. I had too many sweets, felt a bit guilty but only till the next dish came along. I told my self that I would not take any sugar in my tea and coffee for this month. This should restore the balance. I take one spoonful of sugar with my drinks and on average I take 5.5 cups a day. I looked at the internet (where else!) to find the weight of a teaspoonful of sugar. It is 4.2 gms. So I will be offsetting 4.2*5.5*30 = 693 gms of sugar. This is a lot of sugar. This will allow me another piece of Ladoo.

How easily we believe in something which seems to be supporting our behaviour and condoning our excesses. I think it is called self serving bias. In reality eating a bit of less sugar over a period of time does not compensate for binge candy eating. This self-serving bias is very common. I am sure everyone has come across people who take all the credit when things go well but blame someone else they do not.

Anyway I am sticking to this plan and not going to take sugar for the next 30 days. Now I am going to have some leftover sweets. I only promised for sugarless hot drinks!

See you soon.

A PARENT'S DEATH

13/10/09    ( WEEK SEVEN: RETIREMENT)

To day is my father’s death anniversary. He passed away 3years ago after a short illness. I was with him in India when it happened. Even though we all knew it was inevitable, the grief and sadness were immense.

Before this experience I always felt that death of a near one will make one so distort that one would not be able to function efficiently in a worldly sense at least in the first few weeks. Naively I used to think that people who behaved so capably during the funerals were not really close to the deceased. Actually the rituals and funeral arrangements dampened the shock and brought us out of the paralytic stupor. It also brought our extended family closer.

When father was alive I never thought about my own death. My life seemed somehow protected and insured by my father’s longevity. Does every eldest sibling feel like this, I wonder.

It is good that the requirements of living are so much that one dose not have much time to ponder on death, particularly one’s own. I am immortal till I die!

Being over 60 has its benefits too, such as free insulation of the house. While I am writing this the walls are being drilled for cavity wall insulation. It is worse that being in a dentist’s chair. I have to get out of the study.

See you soon.

DECISION MAKING: INTUTIVE V/S ANALYTIC

     6/10/2009 (WEEK SIX: RETIREMENT)
We have been busy for the last two weeks with the builders who were doing some renovation work to our house. They started work at about 8 am and carried on till 4 or 5 pm with about an hour’s lunch break in the middle. First few days were really tiresome but then we got into a routine, getting up and ready by 7:30 in the morning and handing over the house to them at 8.
I mostly sat in my study while Bibha supervised the work. If the builders wanted a decision on something or other she would tell them she is going to ask me. She would come in the study and tell me the problem and we will discuss the various solutions till I agreed with what she had already decided. I would only insist on things when I had enough information to make a decision but what do I know about tiles, mirrors and toilets?

My wife is very good in making intuitive decisions when there is not enough information or the information is equivocal. I am not good at making intuitive decisions. I need to collect as much information as possible and consider the pros and cons based on that data. This is the way I took decisions as a surgeon. It does seems like a good way of doing things but in practice it is only helpful in a very few situations. Nowadays so many different materials and styles are on offer that to make an informed choice is not possible unless you plan to specialise in that field and devote a life time acquiring the necessary information.

Our great grand ancestors used intuitive decision making as they had little information about their environment. It is paradoxical that that in this new information age we have to increasingly rely again on Intuitive decision making precisely because so much data is available.

Now my intuition tells me that a cup of coffee will be good for me.

Bye.

EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY

25/9/09 (Day 30, Retirement)

Today is exactly a month since I retired. It is a milestone for me and probably for my wife too. You might say it is ridiculous to call a month, a milestone but if you take the analogy of a new born baby it becomes obvious. For the parents, a week, a fortnight, a month, all become occasions to celebrate. And the retirement is like a new baby! Delighted to have it but a source of anguish none the less.

I have to be really very watchful; otherwise my physical activity level will rapidly fall down below the critical line. This is because of my inborn aversion to unnecessary & unpleasant physical activity. Before retirement I had to walk a lot, stand a lot, just as a part of the job, but not now. Now I can easily spend the whole of the day just reading, watching tele or surfing on the net. I am fully aware that this will be extremely counterproductive to my health and hence to my plan to draw the pension as long as possible. But apart from that I also feel psychologically unwell when I spend the day without any physical exercise. So with great effort I try to do at least an hour of yoga with an in built physical exercise programme.

Why is physical exercise necessary when it is really no longer needed by the modern life style? I am not talking about obvious physical health problems to my cardiovascular or musculoskeletal systems. I know them well. What I am talking about is the feeling or the sense of being unwell. I have been searching the internet for the enlightenment. Where else? And I think the answer is in Evolutionary Psychology (EP). I came across this term as I was looking at today's news headlines at BBC website. The news was that there will be more spiders this year due to favourable breeding conditions caused by temperate summer. There was a link to arachnophobia on the page and from there another link and so on till I reached EP.

Just as Darwin's physical evolution which selects certain physical attributes which are advantageous to the organism during a prolonged period of particular environmental pressures there is psychological evolution, whereby a set of necessary psychological adaptations to combat the recurring pressures of prolonged ancestral environment becomes part of the developmental nature. A good example of this is fear of spiders or snakes. A recent study from US published in New Scientist remarked that women have a genetic aversion to dangerous animals such as spiders. Spider phobia is much more common in females than males. This is because their ancestral role as a new born protector. Overtime they developed a natural aversion to any animal which can sneak in and may be dangerous to their baby. Baby girls showed this as early as 11 months of age compared to baby boys. EP also explains why men and women look for different attributes in choosing a life partner.

This feeling of being unwell is also due to ancestral pressures during a period when not being able to do strong manual tasks was fatal. Overtime our brain developed in a way that it automatically creates an unpleasant sensation when you do not do the minimum required physical activity.

Well that is what I think anyway. And now I have to go to do my yoga which I conveniently forgot this morning. I am looking forward to your thoughts. Bye for now.

FERMAT'S LAST THEOREM

18/09/2009 (Day 24: Retirement)

 One thing I love about being retired is that I can read as late in the night as I please. Previously even if I was at a cliff hanger moment in a book I had to stop and try to sleep. Otherwise I would not be in a fit state to go for work in the morning. I do not mean the physical act of going but performing at a professional level at work.

I stayed quite late last night till 2am and finished Stieg Larsson's book "the girl who played with fire". The end was quite unexpected, exactly as a good crime book should be. Then I finished my coffee and went to bed. I got up late today and that too with quite a bit of effort and felt tired. But by the time I had three cups of tea and reviewed all the daily papers on the net, I was feeling much better and ready to face the challenges of retirement.

I forgot to mention a peculiar coincidence. The book I read before the one I finished last night was a sc-fi novel "the last theorem" by A.C. Clarke. Both these books are as different from one another as possible, in style, in content, in location and were published years apart. But the main protagonists of both the books loved Mathematics and were naturally very good at it. And both were fascinated with Fermat's Last theorem. Both Clarke and Larsson explained it well in layman's language. I have heard of this theorem before but never understood why it fascinated the mathematicians all over world since mid 17^th century. Now I do. But I do not think I will get the bug to find a proof for the theorem. At the moment my math knowledge is being used to calculate simple and compound interest rates on savings and mortgages to make good the drastic shortfall in the income and satisfy the equation " x = x/4 " where x stands for monthly wage till last month.

I am sure there is a way to do this. Just give me some time.

See you.

ANTHROPOMORPHISM

Sunday, 13 September 2009 (Day19: Retirement)

Sun today was out, but very feeble. As the next 7 days have been forecasted to be cloudy with rain, I thought, I must avail the sunshine today. Even though it was a bit windy I spent most of the day in the garden. Not doing any work but reading a nice thriller "the girl who played with fire" by Stieg Larsson, a well known Swedish writer. He has been quoted as 2^nd best selling author in 2008. The book is very engrossing. After about 100 pages I got up to get some tea. When I came back I noticed a green leaf has fallen on my book. I was sitting very near the hedge, hoping that it would be less droughty there. Usually like most of the people I would not have taken much notice of the leaf. Who looks at a leaf when there are so many gorgeous flowers in sight? But the book must have put me in a state of mind where I was sympathetic to a lowly, unglamorous, victimised (snatched by the wind from the parent plant) leaf very much like its' protagonist..

Realising my train of thoughts I laughed. I was humanising this inanimate object. Hold on, there is a jargon for it: anthropomorphism. Anyway while having my tea I kept on looking at the leaf and took a picture of it laying on my e-book. It looked so pretty. When was the last time I looked at a single leaf for this long time with such intensity? Why am I entertaining this question even?

While looking at the serrated edges of this green leaf I suddenly remembered. Yes, that was it! The leaf was associated with a very beautiful lady, my biology demonstrator in the Science College where I did my pre-medical study ( equivalent to final year of the A level here). She was holding almost exactly a similar leaf and showing us how to describe the characteristics of a leaf. The different shapes, the different margins, the different textures, different tips and so on. It was so boring but no one was yawning or sleeping. It seemed everyone, even the girls were very attentive to what the lady was saying but in fact all eyes were glued to her face. I know now it was not just the book, there was this something else which was the cause of my sudden interest in the leaf. I am sure the psychologists will have a jargon for this type of association. May be I will look up on the web. If you know, please e mail me. It amazes me how the mind and memory works!

Or is it just that now I have the

luxury to spend time to explore the memory loft!

RETIREMENT: JOY & SADNESS

Day 15, retirement

Yesterday evening Bibha and I went to a Mediterranean restaurant “Petra”. It was a sort of get-together and farewell party, more of the former than latter. Ten of us were there, good food and good company. All familiar faces from Christie hospital where I worked before I retired 2 weeks ago. Seeing them I did feel as if I have not retired. At work, everyday I interacted with them, sometimes even on the weekends.

Half way through our dinner, amidst the jokes and laughter, I suddenly felt rather sad and pensive. I realised that I was no longer an integral part of this team. Yes I was enjoying my retirement, particularly relishing the freedom and lack of stress but at that moment while I was sitting in middle of all my close colleagues it did feel like betrayal on my part. Thinking now, I know it was not. I had to retire, if not now then in a couple of years. Anyway I soon regained my old self and enjoyed the party.

I will be seeing some of them on Friday at one of the charity events organized for the benefit of children’s burns unit.

Today it was sunny and I had my morning tea in the garden. A great mistake! Grass has grown, needs mowing, almost all the dahlias need deheading and beans are ready to be harvested. I should have stayed inside. We spent whole day in the garden today. It looks in a reasonable shape now but I don’t.

I am going to have my evening tea now. Yes, in the garden as a bit of sun is still there.

Good bye

: JOYS OF RETIREMENT : COMMON COLD

Day 12, Retirement
I got up yesterday with a sore throat and instantly knew I am developing a cold. My wife had it last week and she is just recovering and so it was my turn now. Getting cough and cold is nothing unusual. I get it once or twice every year in spite of the flu jab. So why I am writing about it?
This is first time I am having this in retirement. And certainly it feels different. Previously I used to panic and stressed at the first sign of cold. As you know the common cold is not thought to be that serious that you need to be off work. And even if I felt like that I could not because I had patients booked in the clinic and in the operating theatre. Cancelling patients' operations, I felt like committing a crime. People had taken leave, made arrangements for the household affairs and above all mentally prepared themselves to go under the knife. They would feel so disappointed along with the anxiety that they would have to live with the cancer that much longer till the next appointment for surgery.

But now it is different. I have the cold, a bit of fever and headache yet I am not stressed at all. I can just lie in the bed without the guilt or panic. Bibha made some hot tea with ginger and I am almost enjoying my cold! She got better in three days, so I know I will be alright by Tuesday. And now if you do not mind I am going to have some more of that ginger tea.

RETIREMENT: WHERE IS THE TIME TO GET BORED?

Day 8, Retirement

A week has passed since I retired. Contrary to what I thought, I have been quite busy. Before, I hardly did any paper work and odd jobs around the house in the weekdays. It was always "I will do it in the weekend". That mental attitude has now completely changed. It just happened with no effort on my part.

Days are days. The distinction between weekdays and weekend is decreed by work. When you retire that decree looses its jurisdiction. I do feel liberated but with freedom comes the household chores! I have been to the post office, travel shop, bus office, photo booth, supermarket and the cinema, met the post man, window cleaner, gas engineer, and the builder. All this in one week!

Retirement is hard work. So how does it differ from the work as in employment? The big difference is lack of stress. You do this at your pace, at your terms. And if you so desire just sit in the garden, watch the squirrels or you can take a nap! And that is what I am going to do.

Bye for now.

RETIREMENT: WHERE IS THE TIME TO GET BORED?

31/08/2009    Day six, retirement
Today is a last public holiday in UK. When you are working this long weekend holds a very special place in your psyche. It is the last holiday before Christmas. It reminds that summer is about to end and whatever you have planned to do this summer—DIY, go on to the beach, go to Paris, visit mother in law (as if ) whatever, better do it now. It somehow creates a sense of urgency with an impending doom that summer is about to end. Anyway why am I thinking like that now that I am retired? Old habits die hard!
We did go to DIY store, bought some gardening stuff and looked at tiles for the bathroom. Plan to go to countryside for a long walk and picnic with a friend was cancelled, thanks to the weather. It was forecasted that it will be a sunny bank holiday but Nature, by nature is unpredictable. So it was all indoor activities for the last three days.
Went to Vermillion, a designer Asian restaurant. Good food and excellent service but felt a bit crowded. What else do you expect on a weekend! We had a fusion cuisine Thai and Indian. Did it work? I think so. But like in any successful marriage there were a few discordant but amicable notes. Overall it was a pleasant evening.
As I told you before I am reading "the last theorem" by A.C.Clarke. I came across an interesting fact. You can express any even number as a sum of two prime numbers. Like say 18. It is sum of 7 and 11. As you know prime numbers are not that common. So I did not first believe this but I checked with my calculator and it is true. Amazing, isn't it.
Well, it is getting late. Good night

JOYS OF RETIREMENT: BUS PASS

28/8/09day three, retirement


Got an application form for the over 60 bus pass. Greater Manchester public transport has got all application forms for different types of passes at their web site but not this one. World Wide Web has got zillions of things but why- o -why, not the one you are looking for. When you are looking for prime ministers in UK you will find a lot of materials on presidents in US and vice versa! Probably it is just me moaning.

I have filled the form and got copies of identity documents but I could not post it today as I have not a passport size photograph. I do not like having a photo taken in those claustrophobic dr who type cubicles. Whole set up feels very doggy a bit like peep show booths at sea sides. One consolation is that the machines are bit better now. Few years ago I had to take at least three sets of photos before getting one acceptable set.

I like my car and I am not a bus person at least that is true when I am in UK. In Europe I always use public transport. I kind of feel threatened in the taxies and certainly they are dearer. Bus pass may be the incentive that will make me a bit greener and encourage me to venture on UK buses.

The weather has again been dismal to day, rain and wind; did not dare to do any gardening. Hopefully it will be better tomorrow.

Good night

day two, retirement

27/8/09
It has been cloudy and windy today in Manchester.
As I said yesterday I planned to do an hour of simple yoga exercises and meditation. I started in good faith at 9 am. Yes, I know it is kind of late but if I still have to get up by alarm, what is the fun in being retired!
About halfway through the yoga, I suddenly remembered I had to ring the finance department to clear some discrepancies in calculations of my pension (between theirs and mine). As a good citizen it was my duty to alert them. Would I be so eager if my estimate was not higher! Thank god, I was not given that choice to test my morality.
Anyway I could not concentrate on my breathing and I had to abort from my lotus position and pick up the phone. It was answered by the now omnipresent machines giving zillions of options. Finally managed to get the attention of a Homo sapiens and the matter was amicably sorted out in only a fraction of time that I dreaded it would take.
Rest of the day passed quickly, it does when you have got a nice novel on your e-book. I finished almost half the book Last Theorem by Arthur C Clarke supplemented with lots of tea and food.
Saw a film on the box and watched the news. Now to bed, Good night.

day one, retirement

yesterday was my last working day at the hospital where i worked as a plastic surgeon for the last 15 years. i had decided many years ago that i will retire when i am sixty and i was eagerly looking forward to my last working day. but when the day came i really felt very sad. why this contradiction? i was puzzled. then it dawned on me that it must be because i had a lot more good and happy times here than bad. i must have met more good people here than bad. i must have very good friends around me here.
i had emotional and tear hiding farewell encounters individually and collectively with a lot of people who have worked with me over the years. my wife made a retirement cake and a poem, more emotions more tear hiding something in the eye moments.my finally a hearty farewell dinner at lime tree restaurant. in bed at 1am, call it exhaustion and also fare amount of wine i slept like a log.

i was awake at half past six. how come? normally my alarm goes off at 7am and i force myself to get up after a few nudges and pushes by my wife at about 7:30. and to day when i do not have to go to work i got up by my self at 6:30. what is going on?

went down ,made tea for my self and my wife ( usually it is otherway round) listened to radio 4 news , went in the garden and took bath ,yoga bla bla .i even went to cinema in the afternoon and did a bit of gardening. tidied my email and contact folders on the new net book.

why am so active and trying to keep my self so occupied? i think it is the fear that if i do not keep doing something i will just slouch on the sofa in front of the telly and will not get up. though that is what i wanted to do uninterrupted till yesterday.
i have to overcome this fear and relax. may be yoga, starting from tomorrow, see just planning this made me feel better, of to bed now to prepare for tomorrow.