NO WIN-NO FEE CULTURE VULTURE

4/03/2010

I have been getting a lot of unsolicited telephone calls from "Mr/Ms unavailable no." They all seem to be interested in my good health and want to get some money for me. Nice people. They not only enquire about my good health but also about my family members, my friends and my neighbours. Here is a short conversation.

Telephone rings……. ……. ………

Me "hello"

The Nice Person On the Unavailable No.( NPU) " hello, Mr. Kumar , we have just come to know that you had an accident recently."

Me "not recently."

NUP "so you did have an accident, a few months ago. "

Me "no, not a few months ago"

NPU "aha! I know it was last year"

Me "no. It was not me last year"

NPU "oh, it was your good wife. We can get you 110% compensation. We won't charge you a single penny"

I am interested at the thought of getting some money. Now that I am on a small pension and it is a terrible winter.

But I am a bit suspicious. Who is this benevolent person taking so much trouble for my family?

But, I do not ask this. Instead I ask "who will be giving me the money, you?

NPU "no, no. The money will come from your neighbour or your doctor or the shop keeper who is responsible for the accident."

Me "but none of them was . My wife just fell down in our garden. She only had a little bruise. And that was ten years ago "

NPU "oh, in that case we will get it from the council. You don't worry about these little things, sir. Leave it to us. We will prove beyond doubt
that any or all of them, at one time or another were certainly responsible for your wife's physical and mental trauma."

Me "my wife's mental condition is very robust. She did not have any mental trauma. "

NPU "do not you worry, our company expert will turn her into a complete mental wreck. "

As I am getting older (euphemism for deaf), I am having this conversation with the speaker on. My wife just heard the last sentence as she came in the study. She cut the telephone off. "so, now I am a mental wreck!"

I had to do a lot of explaining and a bunch of flowers before the dinner was finally served that night.