YOUR CALL IS VERY IMPORTANT, PLEASE HOLD and keep holding.

 

I was checking my credit card statement which came in the morning post. There was an entry which I couldn't recall. I rang my bank. After a few rings a mechanised voice announced a menu “ring 1 for x, 2 for y, and so on.” The menu was so long, I forgot the earlier half of it by the time it finished. Luckily the last menu item was "press Star" to repeat the menu. I did.

This time I listened more intently and pressed # 5 to let the machine know that my enquiry was about an entry in my recent statement. Another menu was presented by the machine. It only had three options. I chose no 1 to denote that I have an  account with the bank. Now the machine asked me to say the account number, which I did. It repeated the number to me and asked to say whether it was correct, “say yes or no”. 

Instead of 4 the machine had 0.  So, I said “no” and  it asked me to repeat the account number. I did and again and the same thing happened. I screamed “put 4 instead of 0”.

The machine retorted “I do not understand. Repeat the account number.” 

I did again, this time instead of 1 there was 9. When I said “no” once more, it offered me a choice whether I wanted to talk to a customer service agent. 

I eagerly said “yes.” 

After 30 seconds of silence, it connected me. I could here the bell ringing, after a few minutes a computer voice announced “all our agents were engaged with other customers, please hold. your call is very important to us and an agent will answer as soon as possible.”

Then a dreary classical music started playing. After 5 minutes the music stopped, I became hopeful, but again the machine voice came up “your call is important to us, please hold …..” This charade continued for 25 minutes. Finally, a human voice came on the phone, a young, falsely cheerful voice in an unfamiliar accent.

After going through some of the security questions again, the agent in an overly familiar voice asked, “can I call you “Prem”.

I wanted to say “no, you cannot. I am not your friend particularly when you have made me wait for so long! And what is wrong with good old “Mr. Kumar.”  But being the gentleman I am, I meekly acquiesce.

“Prem, how can I help you today?” he asks.

I explained my query. It was satisfactorily solved in just twenty seconds.

TOTAL TIME SPENT ON THE PHONE WAS 40 MINUTES.

I got bored, frustrated and agitated. Seriously thought, should I continue keeping an account in this bank?

But then, it could have been worse. The newspapers and the social media are awash with horror stories of hours and hours spent on the phone trying to contact different businesses.

Just the thought of phoning a business concern fills one with dread.

On the other hand, if you ring the same business company for buying their product, the phone is answered at the first ring!

It is abundantly clear that most of these businesses are quite capable of answering the phone quickly, but they deliberately choose not to do so for the sake of saving a few quids and also for actively discouraging any complaint.

What can be done?

Return of good old days when one could walk into a nearby branch and have a face-to-face friendly chat, is not going to happen. As most of the branches have been closed or are very thinly staffed, it is just a wishful thinking.

But an incremental cash penalty for not answering the phone within a reasonable timeframe could be introduced.

First as a voluntary code of conduct and then if things do not improve it could be made mandatory, very much like it already exists for delays in aviation and railway industries.

For habitual and repeat offenders, punitive damages could be imposed and /or their licences could be removed.

If all these fails, of course the government could use their ultimate deterrent “putting them on a plane and sending them to a friendly, law-abiding country!”